Chapter 115

Riding the high of completing a thorough run-through of all the materials in the KMK part 1, I decided to foolishly jump right into the first mock examination. I felt confident and thought that since everything was still fresh in my head, I would probably do okay. Furthermore, I also felt confident because the mock examinations increased with difficulty and I was just starting with the first one. This should be easy. I had jumped into mock exam #1 at 3pm the same I completed all the course material and pushed onwards to completing it and well…It wasn’t easy.

Even on mock exam #1, the easiest of all mock exams, I struggled. The concepts being tested were way more in-depth than I initially thought and the amount of thinking for all the questions was way more than I anticipated. During the lunch break, I was already beat. I felt like my brain was overheating. The mock exams were like a race within the overall marathon and boy was I not prepared for it. By the end, my brain was completely fried and I did not feel confident at all. When the mock exam concluded and my mark shone up, I felt anxious. I scored around 70%.

This wasn’t good, while the marking system in the NBEO was done in a different way than just how many questions you got right, by most forums and online posts, you needed at least around a 75% on the mock exams to stand a chance. Essentially, this meant I had just failed the NBEO on easy settings. I felt bad about this. This was just the first exam, how hard were the other exams? 

Despite my brain being fried, I pressed on to review the questions I got wrong. My ego couldn’t stand not knowing how I got so many questions wrong and this urge to find a problem with the questions drove me to take action right away. When I was done reviewing all the things I got wrong, it was around 4am in the morning. My sleep schedule was going to be out of whack tomorrow but that was okay, I now knew the level of depth the exam required of me. 

The next day was a break day. I previously planned a break day between mock exams to recover some mental fatigue. Instead of following this schedule though, I just jumped directly into mock exam #2. Being completely exhausted from the day prior and lacking just a little bit of sleep, I was fueled almost entirely on denial alone. The first exam was a fluke, that didn’t mean anything. Let’s do it again for real this time. BAD IDEA. I completely bombed it. I think the final mark was somewhere along the lines of 68% or something. Okay…so the first mock exam was not a fluke. Following a worse failure, I was left with nothing but dread. Well, that and anxiety. When the acceptance of my inadequacies finally came to my head, I decided to take things more seriously.

I followed my preplanned schedule more after mock exam #2. I thought to myself that the next mock exam was one I would not fail and got to it. I switched up my fuel as well. Instead of denial, I was now fueled by desperation. It was because I actually felt unprepared and with the flight to Edmonton coming up soon, I had little time to change my trajectory. I went deeper and more in-depth on all the material again and again to see chew through all my incorrect responses from mock exam #2. Then, I took a break day where I just did some light review but no mock exam. 

After that recharge day, I was back on the horse. Time to go for the next mock exams. Doing the mock exams themselves was a mental exercise and this meant that after a few days of going through the motions, my mind sort of understood the timing and mental focus needed. With that, on mock exam #3, I had actually passed at around 75%. It was on the dot and I was not in the clear but now, I knew that a mix of knowing the mock exam better and taking breaks was a recipe for passing. 

Once I felt like there was hope for passing, I tried to capitalize on that as much as possible. Over the next few days, I would run through all the other mock exams. On mock exam #4 I got around 77%. Though the material was meant to be harder and harder, I felt like my reviewing of the previous mock exams and reviewing materials I thought I had not grasped fully made it so that I was outpacing the difficulty spike. With this, I kept going on to mock exam #5 and then finally, #6. I had passed both but the marks stayed around the same. I was always around 78% or 79% but never pushing past the 80% barrier. 

When I finished and passed the last mock exam. I realized I was one day ahead because I had rushed mock exams #1 and #2. It was at this time I decided to give myself a true breather. I was done with all the material I needed to do. I had checked off all the reviews I needed, for the rest of the time before the real exam, it was a mild review and mental preparation. 

It was at this time I decided to just take a moment and think about how far I’ve come. I asked myself how the guy in the mirror was doing. As it turns out, he was actually doing okay. There were signs that I’ve changed in the last 20+ days. There were mountains of notes in my room and even the windows were full of scribbled notes. My hair had grown out to longer than I’ve ever had it and I’m pretty sure I gained at least 10 lbs from just the lack of moving around. All in all, I was in the best mental shape of my life but also likely the worst physical state I’ve ever been in. 

These past few weeks have been hell. It was a tough mental push and it honestly felt like I would break at some points. It would’ve been so easy to just get on my phone and play some tunes or scroll on instagram for hours. But it was how easy it was to get lost that staying true to the schedule gains meaning. I avoided temptation and forced myself to see this through and here I was, at the end of the final mile. I’ve raced this marathon, which was intended for a full year of review in essentially just a month of time and I’ve done it my way without compromise. I had already proved to myself I was capable of it. 

Now nearing the finish line, I contemplated how I’d feel if I still ended up failing. I would be sad, of course, but at the same time, I feel like I have learned so much in the past 28 days that I am now definitely better off as an optometrist for the future. Sure, the exam and the prep material was expensive and sure, it was hell for me but I was definitely better off for it. I think I would feel bad about the entire thing but would still be happy to have gone through it. If nothing else, I did have the excuse that I crammed for the NBEO part 1 in just around 27 days or so. 

I felt like this was already a victory. I proved to myself that I was able to cram this hard and stay studious until the end. But with that said, wouldn’t it be amazing if I passed?

There was one last thing I had on my mind between all the pats on my own back to my own user-defined winning conditions. I was actually at peace with my time in Waterloo. I know I threw shade their way for quite a while. Look no further than the last few chapters while I was still in school, but now that I understood all the material I was taught in school more in detail, I understood more about what they were trying to do. 

Yes, Waterloo stumbled and fell when planning curriculums and they did let a lot of the class of 2020 down but that wasn’t their intention. Their intentions were good. Add this with the fact that they were still changing their curriculums to improve meant that I looked back on my time in Waterloo and felt okay with how things turned out. 

That chapter was over, it was in bad taste to keep living it out. I had better things to worry about now. It was time to fly to Edmonton.