Chapter 116

It hurt a little bit when I first bought the plane tickets. I was already out the fee for the NBEO part 1 itself, which cost me around $1,300 CAD, and the KMK itself was also fairly expensive. The silver lining was that due to COVID restraints and nobody travelling, my plane ticket and the hotel stay in Edmonton was much cheaper than they’d normally be. In total, it cost me around $500 CAD for the flight (to and returning) and 5 nights. This essentially used up the last of the money I had received from my grandma’s settlement all those years ago. 

I started packing for the trip a few days away from the actual flight, which itself was a few days before the actual exam. The plan was that I’d fly to Edmonton and camp out in a hotel for 2 days just to get a feel of the area, then do the exam. A few days to adjust to being in Edmonton was pretty important in my mind because not only would I be accustomed to the transit system there, this would also give me some breathing room in case COVID delays any flights. 

My girlfriend at this time was now driving and had her own car. This meant that she would be my driver to and from the airport. When the time finally came, we must have broken a record for the fastest drop off and security check. Due to low traffic from COVID, it only took around 15 minutes from our place near Finch station to Pearson Airport. From there, security also only took another 15 minutes or so. Within a half hour, I went from being in my home to being next to my gate. 

This felt kind of surreal. Pearson international airport, normally swamped with people coming and going, was empty. There were no lines and the bustling sounds you’d expect from the place were nonexistent. The surrealness didn’t stop there though, when I eventually got on the plane, I found myself among 3 other passengers on the plane. We had the entire plane to ourselves. I was even able to lie down across all the seats. 

This was enjoyable because of how unique of a situation it was but despite the ridiculous nature of it all, I didn’t really take it all in. The flight itself was just a little over 4 hours and what I decided to do was to continue reviewing my test material. Before the flight, I had converted some of the online lectures into audio files and throughout the entire flight, I listened to them as I went through the KMK app (which worked offline) and the flash cards section. I wasn’t letting up, I was here for a reason and I never let myself forget it. I was not taking chances and was clinging to every minute as a means to improve my odds at passing the NBEO part 1. 

When I landed in Edmonton, the airport there was even more deserted. This theme continued into the hotel I was staying at. I was starting to feel like I was in a post-apocalyptic universe. Everywhere was just so devoid of people. In the hotel, I think I may have only seen 1 or 2 other guests. It was ghastly, yes, but in my head, I was only thinking about how I was not going to be disturbed by anyone at least. 

My hotel was located around 104 Street and 63 Avenue. This was around a 10 minute walk away from Pearson Vue Edmonton South. When I needed food, I went north to the only T&T asian supermarket in the region. Other than that, I rarely went out. This was still in January and Edmonton winters were no joke. It’s not like I had a desire to explore the area anyhow. I was still in a daily habit of being in cramming mode. 

While I wasn’t in the prison room in my home anymore, I wasn’t free. I had traded one prison to another. I knew it was necessary too. This large beast of an examination with around 370 MCQ questions, divided into 2 sessions of 4 hours each and for which I’ve planned for 27 days straight with nothing else going on in my life was about to come to its climax. These last few days were not to be underestimated. Anything I felt even slightly uncertain about, I revisited and reviewed ad nauseam. 

When the day came to write, I was in a daze. By all means this was better than being nervous. If the nerves came on because of how pretty much I’ve built up this test in my mind for the last 27 days, I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle it. Instead, I thought of little else other than the material. I was locked in. The last 27 days of sticking to a strict schedule meant that in the morning, I had a routine and did it like clockwork. I got up, got coffee, and then got to work. On the morning of the exam, same thing. My routine kicked in without any need to think about it. 

When I got to the Pearson Vue Testing center, I, once again, found it very deserted. Their capacity was capped at around 10% and that meant that when I was writing, the entire floor was only accompanied by 2 other test takers. It was quiet. This was good. I was running the test as optimal of a situation as possible. There were no excuses now. Then, just with a simple click of the mouse in my cubicle, the game was afoot. 

Nothing was unfamiliar, the first session was 4 hours and because I had been doing a mock exam pretty much every other day for the past week, I knew the speed at which I needed to do my test. With that said, familiarity doesn’t always mean perfect performance. That first session had way more questions where I didn’t know the answers than I anticipated and by the end of it, while I still felt like I had a passing grade, I was not confident about this at all. 

When lunch during the exam came, I stepped out and re-caffinated as well as ate my lunch. I was mentally exhausted and not feeling too great. I tried my best to just calm my nerves. To that end, I spent my entire lunch just inside the testing center and meditating a bit. Then, towards the end, I went and used the washroom. This was the most valuable insight I’ve learned from the mock exams. 4 hours was a long time but even then, it was tight timing for finishing all the MCQ questions. Since every minute counts, you really have to think about optimizing your bladder. 

Does this seem trivial? Sure, but let me assure you it is not. Towards the end of the second half of the NBEO part 1, I was literally doing the last few questions as the timer was about to run out. I had barely made it to the last question and honestly, if I needed one more bathroom break, I probably wouldn’t have been able to finish the test.

When the timer went off, I felt relief and despair. I was uncertain how well I did. I think I may have had enough to pass but honestly, I was unsure. But what could I do? This was the end to the long cramming session that started last month. It was over. 

As I came out of the focus and dazed state I was in, I suddenly got hit with a sense of deja vu. It was only now that I recalled that this wasn’t the first time being inside a Pearson Vue Testing center. I had used them for the Optometry Admissions Exam (OAT) in the past a lifetime ago. I knew this fact and yet, it was only coming to me now after the exam was over. I suppose I was just that focused in the entire morning and during the exam. 

Right after the sense of deja vu, there was panic. This was because when I completed the OAT, my score was shown to me right after the post exam survey. I wasn’t mentally prepared to see my score that day. With this in mind, I, very slowly and cautiously, clicked through the post exam survey trying to stall as much as possible. But then, nothing. The NBEO would not tell me my mark. The last page on the post exam survey told me that the NBEO would be updating our marks a few weeks from then. With that, the computer screen reset. 

Okay, now I’m done. 

I breathed a breath of relief and stretched out in my chair. No more need to cram, it was all over. A moment of peace. Alright, I can let up now. Then, right after the moment of peace passed, I found myself in a similar situation as previously. This was hinged on a single thought. So what now? 

I sort of knew the answer. It was time for uncertainty again. We were now in that familiar state where I didn’t yet pass, but I also didn’t yet fail. This feeling of being in limbo has now become a normal phenomena. Maybe it was the COVID talking but I saw and classified this time as a familiar but now, very welcome time. It was ignorant bliss. 

The introspective feeling was interrupted by the proctor. He looked through the window from his surveillance office, waved to me and then came and got me. After he escorted me out of the testing area, I immediately ran for the washrooms. 4 hours was a long time, especially when you’re jacked up with caffeine and like I said, I wasn’t able to spare any time for a washroom break during that time. When I was done with my business, I headed out. It was then that I knew what I needed to do, I took out my headphones, for which I had only run my meditation sounds during breaks, and put them on. 

I mentioned that I deleted pretty much all the music off my phone to avoid distractions. That was true, but there was one album of mp4’s that I left behind and couldn’t bring myself to delete. It was the Cello Bach suites that I used for my RCM tests. They were a collection of the Bach suite pieces by various artists that played them most like the way I liked. I used these as references for practicing and they held quite a lot of nostalgic value to me.

Maybe that’s why I felt it appropriate to play them as I headed back to my hotel. Along my walk in the snow, I was accompanied by Bach’s Cello Suite No. 3 Prelude. The weather wasn’t stormy though it was heavy. So heavy that after about a minute, I looked back to the testing center and found that it had completely disappeared from view. Everything was blanketed by the snow. Seeing the testing center disappear, I thought to myself… 

“What a poetic end to 27 days.”