Chapter 22

So I posted it. On facebook. On a wall. For everyone to see. I thought I was being cryptic. I thought I cracked the code. I thought that I could rant with deniability and reroute the subject when confronted about my angry post. 

Problem was. I forgot I added X on Facebook. 

She knew exactly what I was talking about and about who as well.

Anyhow, all my classical music friends saw it. Those who knew me got a hint of what was going on and understood what I was talking about. The way I made the post was just cryptic enough that people read it and didn’t comment much on it. It was incoherent and only understood under the lens of an insider. Unfortunately, X also saw this. She would comment. This would then trigger a rather long thread. 

I guess it was effective at least in terms of making people finally talk if anything. Here’s the TL:DR version of things:

X called me out immediately. 

She said something along the lines of 

“How could you say such things when “he” gave you so much?.” 

“Do you really think you could’ve won your silver medal if not for “him”?.”

She was also being cryptic. We weren’t about to throw around the name. That was too definitive and would reveal exactly who we were talking about. We were cryptic but it was not hard to decipher who we were referring to if you were an insider. Not gonna lie. I kind of froze when I saw her first messages. I was not used to being angry and even less so for showing it online. I wasn’t sure how to respond. 

Deleting the post now would be too cowardly. Keeping it going may invite others to start taking sides against me too. I wasn’t sure what was a good course of action. To be honest, I didn’t think anyone would really pay attention to my post at all.

Then an interesting thing happened. Like I said, I didn’t have that many Chinese community orchestra friends on Facebook, but what I did have, were a lot of family friends and previous initiates of CC. These were friends who knew and learned a lesson or two from CC but then quit and never looked back. Essentially, who I had on Facebook were the friends of mine who saw CC for who he really is. These friends were not caught up in the politics of the Chinese community orchestra and were not taking sides. They were simply outsiders who have some insight from their history. 

The key point though? They knew enough about X and I to know what was going on and who we were talking about. Then, for the first time, I found people who were on my side. 

One friend of mine called X out stating that CC’s favorite student wouldn’t understand what it meant to be on the other end of CC’s abuse. He wasn’t alone either. Others chimed in and essentially replied with some of their experience on what kind of person CC was. It felt a bit like therapy. Stories that were untold were starting to surface. It wasn’t difficult to connect the dots. We all had the right to be treated fairly and with respect and CC never gave it to anyone but X. We aren’t kids anymore. You can’t expect CC to keep crapping on us and for no one to respond to his ways. 

Beyond just the post, I got more private messages after this from my other friends. Those who were not trying to be exposed online but wanted to offer me their stories with CC. It was clear. I made the right call when I left. I felt that I should have done this ages ago. Excellence or not, sometimes it was just not worth it to be verbally abused by some middle aged asshat who gets his kicks out of putting down children.

While I won the flame war online, I didn’t feel good about it. X didn’t deserve to have her world shattered the way it did. We were both graduating and wouldn’t be coming back to the state of things. There was nothing for me to gain from opening her eyes to the monster CC was. I had accidentally also made X the target of everyone’s collective envy. People were turning on her because of CC and her loyalty to him made her go down with his reputation. On some level, as the stories kept pouring in, I felt like I character assassinated both CC and X. 

All I could think back on was how X and her mom drove me to the orchestra. To repay their kindness, I ruined X’s character and her hero. It didn’t feel good. 

Back on the rehearsing side of things, I was at the last desk with X at the desk in front of me in Y’s orchestra. I could tell that things were different since my post. Now the unspoken things were now spoken, it will definitely have an impact on us. My friend circle on Facebook wasn’t large, I doubt there would be much repercussions in the future for CC at all. That didn’t matter though, X was the only person I still respected and I really burned that bridge between us. 

I secretly hoped that she may find out that CC was not as kind as she may have thought simply because she was his favorite student. I hoped she would realize he was not a good role model. But I’d never find out how things would play out. We never spoke after this. 

We finished Y’s concert without much trouble. The entire ordeal, which started off with me being super happy about how I got a paid gig, was overcast now by a bridge burned with X. X and I would never really cross paths again. I’m not sure there were winners from all of this but I did acknowledge that at the very least, a lot of hidden resentment was now out in the open. I’m sure the tales the Chinese community orchestra would spin about me would still continue to be spun. The rumors will still be told and I was to still remain the pariah and sacrificial lamb. It didn’t matter though. I was out of it now. I would never participate in the toxic community that had ostracized me. Why look back on it?